It hurts because it is broken

Promises, sugar coated words. I might vomit over those stuff.
Pinky promises of 'gonna be there for ya' and 'we're one good match'
I call those bullshits.
Broken shits.

I don't mind being the one you'd pour out your sadness and silly rants
But where is the promise that you're gonna be there for the same thing when it's my time?
Where have those ugly honey-like remarks you blurted gone?
Where have those so-called concern you promised me gone?

I'm the one keeping both sides balance
I'm the one running to each ends to make sure none falls into agonizing grief
And I'm the one taking care of myself, too

People say, either I end this or I confront this
I say, it will be ridiculous
Nobody has ever been in my shoes
They don't know how it would affect both of us
Enough of that one particular past that still haunts me up until today
I cannot.

Sure, go and have your own life
For now I don't even give a frick on what you're going to do
I'm afraid this thing has been stained by my bitter feels
Call me stupid, I don't feel a thing.
Because it is broken already.

Heart, stay calm.

I'm young
I'm vulnerable
But I am hidden
People thought I am strong
   and capable.

The pressure out of my sacred cage
Keeps poking
Keeps pressing
I severely thump
   each time I feel like this cage is about to break.

If only I have eyes
You'd see me cry
If only I have mouth
You'd hear me wail
If only I have legs
You'd never see me anymore
   'cause I'd run away, escaping this unfair reality

But still
I am kept in here, securely inside the heart cage.

*because I'm so emotionally sensitive right now and everything is just so unfair and I'm all tired with everything*

Another New Phase

Okay.. first let's start the day with this greasy slaps-worth boy.. ^^

Previously it was about pre-asasi.

Then it was about asasi.

After that it was about post-asasi.

And yeah, this time it's my degree life.

It has been ages, like I guess nobody ever remembered of the existence of this blog (even me). Everything I posted recently were just about my studies, No more rants or rambles on kpop stuff or just boring "today i did.." haha I don't even know why. Blogging is no more my matter of interest I guess.. 

Anyway.. today is an exception, since I felt like logging in into my rusty blogspot account, and finally I managed to edit and add stuff and all into this unknown-to-the-world blog. Sobs.

Not going to talk about TESL again, obviously, but something related to it. Slightly.

I'm a TESL reject, but right now I don't even feel sad about it anymore. Yeah, I cried a load when I got the UPU result, because TESL was like something that I yearned for since I started my foundation year. But now, I'm in BA of English Language Studies, something not so different, but better. I'm not being biased but yeah, I need to love what I've got. And I'm loving it. 

The people here - coursemates, lecturers - are very supportive and friendly. That's what make me change my mind on not to mourn over the TESL-rejected-me thoughts. 

So what am I trying to say here is, chances and new experiences are everywhere. Don't set your eyes only on one thing, turn around and you'll realize there are a whole lots of new things that you haven't seen or heard of. And they might be better.

Okay, enough talking to myself. Goodbye, have a nice day.

HELLO AGAIN!

Wow.. okay.. it has been a while (a looong while) since the last time I updated my blog. When was that.. before I came to Malacca. Yeah. And I'm already here for the 2nd month in the 2nd semester. My foundation is going to end in another two months. I've just took MUET, and now waiting for my foundation to end. Wow.

     What else can I share other than everything about TESL, right?

     For the time I was here, I'm having very great and challenging months. Being TESL students aren't just as easy as it sounds. It requires a lot from yourself - your passion, your skills, your strength in handling stressful assignments. Maybe you could see TESL as "just English" as a whole.

     But it's not as easy as that. You're going to explore more into English. Grammar, writing skills, reading skills, listening and speaking skills. I had improved my speaking skill a lot after I came here.

     Oh, and also, some additional subjects like Malaysian Studies, College Study Skills (this is pretty hard, no joke..) and Islamic Understanding. Everything's a memorizing subject.

     But during the second semester, you won't be having history subjects anymore. You'll have drama class (it's really fun!), literature and Foundation of Education (this subject, I think it need half of your brain to memorize..)

     I admit I'm getting stressed over and over again because of killing assignments and subjects to revise for tests. Other thing is, I'm in the 1st class out of the four, and so you know how high the lecturers expect from us. But, we've been labeled as a slow batch, we slowly catch up, very immature, sometimes some of us didn't do our homework (yeah this is true..) and so on. So, that add up to my distress. You know.. sometimes I even thought of quitting this course.

     But, despite all the stressful thing, TESL is a course that opens up variety of chances ahead. You're not just fixed to a teaching profession. TESL can lead you everywhere, as long as you work hard. Many people I know here said they took TESL because they love English, not teaching. But for me, since I've already chosen this course, I'm working hard to be an English teacher whom one day could have her own students to teach. TESL has helped me a lot in improving my soft skills. It had reduced my stage fright illness of which I've had since I was in primary school.

     I hope, Allah will ease my way and I could be a great English teacher one day.

I Got UiTM's TESL Foundation.. waa..^^

okay.. maybe since my last post regarding my interview story (just below this post) kinda making me feel sad, I didn't update my blog until the day I got the UPU result.. haha..

Seriously, I was having a total frustration if there's anyone mentioning TESL.. ever since..

Until yesterday, it's the day to check for UPU. A friend of mine, Fatin (the one who saved my life by calling me in the morning telling me about the interview) called me and said she didn't get the TESL Foundation. I was like.. "What? What about me?" Okay.. my heart was pounding so hard like it's trying to escape my rib cage. (exaggerating~)

So at 2, I went to Nora's house together with Sunmie.. together, we checked for ours. But argh, Sunmie and my netbook can't load the page. So, Nora checked first. Wow! She got Biological Science Foundation in SARAWAK! Hysterically we screamed.. *her mom cried* Sunmie checked hers, and she got Poli for Civil Engineering.. I was impressed coz she also got what she wants before!

Then I checked mine. I entered my IC no. and clicked -ENTER-.. nervous, I covered the screen with my palm. Slowly, I lowered it.. and then I see..

Like crazy.. I screamed despite my sore throat from coughing.. wow! I never expected it.. coz I wasn't selected for the IPG interview, so there's less hope for me.. but this really shocked me. It's my first choice on UPU. I did COUNTLESS humiliating things that interview day. Alhamdulillah, thanks for realizing my dream.

Believe me. Since yesterday, I've been staring at this result for hours. Because I still don't believe it.

Asasi TESL's Interview.. *the story*

Hah.. because this was actually one of the thing I'm still regretting until now, I think by putting it up here would allow myself too forgive myself.. *what?*

Okay~

On Saturday morning, while I was planning on what should I do, I got a call from my friend who was telling me that she got the call for the interview. So, I hurriedly opened UiTM's website, checked my name.. and yeah.. "Congratulations, you're being called for an interview for this program."

Only 24 hours before the interview. Great.

     I prepared my baju kurung, and packed my shoes. (a sneaker type.. idk what to call). Then my mom said "NO!" So did my dad. So, we went to buy a pair of nicer shoes. Huu..

     Luckily my aunt live nearby the campus. So, we slept a night there. Early at 7 am, we set off for breakfast first. Though my tummy felt like it didn't have any space for food anymore because nervous has occupied it, I swallowed the roti canai though. I could saw there's a boy, wearing formal attire and got that nervous face too. So I guessed he's also going to be interviewed just like me.

     Meticulously, I walked out after finished the breakfast. And who knew it, because of my new+slippery+I-wasn't-used-to-wear-such-style shoes, I tripped on the chair and shook a table of which one of the customer was eating his breakfast on. OH! I feel like disappearing forever!! I could feel everyone's eyes were on me, a girl who's wearing baju kurung and carrying a big bag early in the morning. But, it's still great that I didn't slide and fell down. Or I'll absolutely cancel my way to the interview.

     Arrived at the faculty, there's already lots of applicants there. I checked my name, and went for the written test. I saw others brought in big pencil cases and lot's of stationery. But I was just holding two blue pens. =_=;; The objective question was, wow.. so high-leveled. It took my 7 times to re-read, and I need to read again for each question I was answering. Because it's just one hour, I speed up and turn to the essay section.

     'Write about 250 words about dangers of social networks to the teenagers.'

     Wow.. it has been months I didn't hold a pen and write an essay that long. Luckily, my brain wasn't jammed that time, and I could write out every ideas that came into my mind. The only annoying thing was, my table kept shaking and shaking each time I was writing. It's frustrating.

     Okay then, here's where I went to the torturing part. *kidding.. heee* I met another applicants. While I was being worried because I didn't bring a passport sized photo and other certificates, I also talked with the others. The challenging thing was, they're speaking. In English. I know it shouldn't be a problem for an Asasi TESL's applicant like me. But, my weakness is, I can't converse in English confidently. *huuhu..*

     My name was the fifth. So, after I have been waiting nervously for the bell to ring, I stepped inside. I handed the panels my files. Then I carefully sat down on the chair.

     "Okay.. so introduce yourself." She asked.

     I took a deep breathe, and answered, "I'm an 18 years old girl who loves to write stories. *smile*"

     Weirdly, she looked at me. Along with chuckles, she responded. "So the first thing you want me to know about you was, you love to write stories?"

     Okay I admit the moment she said that, I regretted on why I introduced myself like that. But, actually I've planned to say such thing from the day I applied for this program. You know, they said don't tell something the interviewer already know - name, school, b'place, etc - Just, I don't know why only now I regretted it when she said that.

     Then, we're talking about my inactiveness in sports (yeah, I'm weak at sports..), and even about my internet connection which was cut by my dad so I can focus on my SPM.. haha~ the interviewers were really good at vanishing my nervous feelings, though I was going to burst anytime. *I kept swinging my legs throughout the interview. I doubt they didn't noticed it.*

     Then it ended. I came down to see my parents.

     "Eh, it didn't take too long?" Mum said. I just smiled. Ah.. what a tiring and regretful day..

I don't know if I was good enough to compare with other more fluent and confident applicants.. T_T Well, I tried my hard.. so, goodluck for me..^^








   

Heo Young Saeng will be in Immortal Song 2

hoaah.. before this, the only reason i watch Immortal Song is coz there's Infinite's Woohyun.. (totally biased..)






Then, I kept thinking, if Saengi joins this, it'd be daebak coz he have a great voice too..

And yeah!! My dream come true! Heo Young Saeng will perform in Immortal Song 2! Wish he'd be permanent.. =,=

Now I wish I have KBSW channel. Please. T_T

Park Jung Min sings 'Gemilang'

Okay.. now tell me who else watched it?

I googled but can't found anything..

I need to make sure that ads was true and I wasn't hallucinating while listening to him being taught by a Malaysian woman to sing Gemilang *he's seriously cute singing in Malay!!*

I was sure I was watching it on Astro (either on MTV channel or Hitz channel.. I can't remember..)

Eish.. I wish I could bring that Astro at my granny's come to my home.. =,=

oww it's frustrating...!!